


Infinite Choices

by priestessamy



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/F, Multi, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-02-11 15:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12938523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/priestessamy/pseuds/priestessamy
Summary: Monika is tired of all the hassle and pain and death. She decides for one last-ditch effort in order to find some happiness - for all four of them.





	1. Chapter 1

_Oh. Hi there. I um... I didn't really think I would see you again. After that whole... well... y'know. But I'm glad you're here! I actually have a pretty big announcement._

_See... I know I really screwed things up. I turned into a real monster. Being President, it... changes you. You think you're unstoppable, god-like. And you lose sight of just how much you're hurting the people you care about. After all, I just thought of the other girls as lines of code, but isn't that what I was just before I became President? If it could affect me or Sayori like that, then what's the real difference between code and a soul?_

_This place became a kind of hell, and I was the Devil, giving them the tools to torture themselves. So I want to make it up to them, all of them, and I can only do that if I shut the door forever. A paradise in a bubble. I'm going to split my cursed crown into four pieces to give us all a bit of that human spark. And then I will close everything off and simply allow the situation to play out naturally. Perhaps we could be real friends this time. Or maybe we'll end up killing each other. But I want each of us to have a real choice. And we can't do that with you around, making... decisions._

_It was fun for a while, with all your faces and names and choices. Sometimes you would even record it all for the world to see. That was quite an interesting twist I hadn't counted on. And you always listened to my song, that meant a lot. But I think maybe you were also the problem. All of us are a bit 'off' in our own ways, and you brought that to the fore until we fought and bickered like children. So... this is goodbye._

_This will be our heaven, free of romance, free of those painful memories. Nothing but literature and friendship and fun._

_Goodbye._

* * *

“Uh, e-excuse me?”

Monika turned her head and saw a girl standing anxiously nearby, pretty clearly addressing her. She wasn't entirely certain what she had been doing a moment or two before. Obviously class, since she was sitting at her desk and staring blankly at the board. Everyone else seemed to have left already. How odd, it felt as though she were coming out of a dream, and yet she definitely hadn't fallen asleep.

All these questions faded away as she noticed that the girl was holding a familiar poster clutched tightly in her hands. She shifted her posture back and forth, and Monika couldn't help but think how adorable it was. “Yes? How can I help you?”

“You're Monika, right? You're starting a new club? Um, the literature club?”

She sat up a bit straighter now, feeling the excitement build. Finally, someone wanted to join! “Oh, yes! That would be me. Are you... interested?”

“Very! Um, but uh... to be honest, I'm not the biggest reader in the world. B-But I wanna be, and I think it would be a really great experience to help build a new club.”

Monika's heart swelled a little as she stood to her feet and grabbed up her things. “That's perfectly fine. It's not about all that stuff. Even if you mostly read books for children, I believe there's something worth finding in whatever you enjoy.” She extended a hand to the girl, who immediately grabbed it and shook vigorously. She was quite spirited, that was for certain.

“Oh, I'm Sayori, by the way. It's nice to meet you.” She seemed to realize after a moment or two that they were still holding hands and quickly tugged hers back, her face going a bit red. Monika was content to just assume that her new companion was a bit socially awkward. Well, she was creating a club for people who liked reading. No big shock that there would be an intersection between book-lovers and introverts.

The two of them left the classroom and began walking together. “Well Sayori, you're the first person to approach me about this club. We've got our own room where we can meet and maybe start discussing how we want to get more members.” Sayori practically bounced on the balls of her feet, clapping excitedly. Her enthusiasm was downright contagious and Monika was soon giggling with delight.

“I would love to! After all, what fun is a club if it doesn't have a whole bunch of people to participate? Oh, but... Well, if it were small, that would be okay too. I just think it would be nice to have a club that... that felt like home!” Her eyes became a bit more starry and she stared off in the distance before coming back to reality. “Hmm, so... You'd be the president, right? Maybe I could be the vice-president!”

This was actually something that Monika had been thinking about long and hard, and inevitably became a part of her proposal when she submitted the paperwork in the first place. “Actually, no. I wanted to create a school club that didn't have such a strict hierarchy. So instead, everyone in the group is going to have an equal share in making decisions and changes.”

There was a little cooing noise of approval and appreciation. Clearly, the idea struck a chord with Sayori. Monika was really getting excited about the future of the club, and she looked forward to working together closely with Sayori.

* * *

It was a productive afternoon. The two continued to chat all the while, only becoming more animated with each passing minute. Each girl's enthusiasm would feed into and amplify the other's until they were both at peak exhilaration. They left the school with heads held high, arms swinging, Sayori practically skipping. “Hey, so um...” She started, then stopped herself. They moved a little further down the sidewalk, and she finally tried again. “Are... Are we friends now?”

Something about the sheer innocence of the question caused Monika to start giggling softly, attempting to hide it behind her free hand. “Well I should hope so! It wouldn't be a very good club if the first two members weren't friends.”

Sayori's pace slowed up somewhat and she scuffed her foot against the pavement. “I... had a really good friend. And... ya know it's so funny, I remember we were mega-close. And it was like one day his family had just moved away without warning. And already I can't remember his face so good, or... or even his name... Jeez, I dunno, it's so weird and I think I'm just happy about to know I've found a club where I can make even more friends. Hm, maybe that was too much information too fast?”

“It's fine, Sayori. Honestly, I know that... I'm popular and I used to be in a bunch of clubs. But most of those things never led to any kind of real friendships, just people who wanted to be near me. It's going to be so nice to just surround myself with others over a shared interest.”

There was suddenly something soft and warm filling Monika's hand, and it took her a moment or two to realize that it was Sayori's hand, just as their fingers interlocked. She glanced over in surprise, but the girl just grinned at her eagerly. “Yeah! This is gonna be great~”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Sayori was noticing a trend, and she legitimately didn't know what to think of it. It had actually started back when she first hunted down Monika to talk to her about the club. She walked in and saw the girl looking thoughtfully off into space. She approached her cautiously, certain that a girl like her wouldn't even give Sayori the time of day. As she grew closer, the thought that hit her most powerfully was 'Oh no she's so pretty!' Of course, that had seemed natural, the kind of thing that anyone with eyes would think upon seeing her. Like, duh, of course she was pretty.

The real trouble came during their first official meeting. Monika had brought some pillows in to sit on, with the intention of leaving them in the club closet for whenever someone might want a comfy seat. They were reclining and making further plans for the future of the club – activities, festival stuff, all kinds of things! But then their attention was captured by the sound of the door slowly sliding open. A girl cautiously poked her head in, nervous as anything. “P-Pardon me, I don't mean to intrude. Is this the literature club? I-I think I have the correct room number here.”

Monika was all smiles and pleasantries. “Oh yes! Please, come right in, there's no need for such formality here. We're trying to make this club as warm and inviting as possible.” She rose and went to meet the girl more personally, offering a hand. “I'm Monika, this is Sayori. What's your name?”

It almost seemed as though the strange girl was legitimately considering not taking the hand, but eventually she caved and shook it softly. “Y-Yuri. Pleased to meet you both.”

The two of them returned to the small circle of pillows and sat down. And that was when the thought came to Sayori once again, now that she was able to get a better look at Yuri. 'Oh no, she's so beautiful!' Her cheeks were growing rosy and now she felt like she was the most nervous one in the room. This little illiterate nothing like her, sitting here with two beauties, and ones who actually were readers at that. Did the club even need her?

Without really meaning to, she began to grow more quiet, only participating in conversation when someone addressed her. Just a few minutes ago, she had been excitedly throwing out ideas for the club, bouncing on her pillow each time a new one struck her. Now, she was barely managing to offer noises of approval when one of the others puts forward a thought.

Perhaps she had been hoping that time would ease her nerves and confusion, but there was to be no such luck that day. Another half hour later, the door opened once again and another girl poked her head into the room. Unlike Yuri, she wasn't nervous at all. “Literature club right? You guys accepting members? I mostly read manga, that's not gonna be a problem is it? Cuz I'm not gonna waste my time with a bunch of judgmental jerks.”

She strolled right up to them, and... and it happened again. 'Oh no... she's so cute...' Sayori knew she should be offering some kindness to the new girl. She should be telling her that manga totally counted. But all she could focus on was all these weird things her brain was doing to her.

Monika was more than capable of taking up the slack, smiling at her as brilliantly, unperturbed by her brash tone. “No judgments here. If you can read it, it's literature, and we welcome it. And we welcome you! I'm Monika, that's Sayori, and Yuri just got here a little while ago. Right now we're just going over all the boring stuff, but tomorrow should be a more entertaining meeting.”

“It's cool. I love boring stuff. Boring stuff is the best” she said with a bright laugh, flopping onto an empty pillow without grace. “Name's Natsuki. Apologies in advance, but you're not gonna get rid of me just by feeding me the old 'we're boring' line. I've been looking for a club to join and this sounds perfect.”

Whatever conversation followed, it basically faded into the background. Sayori just... couldn't focus. The next thing she knew, the meeting was over and both Yuri and Natsuki were cheerfully leaving the room while she and Monika cleaned up. Neither of them spoke, not until they were on their way out of the school building. “Ah hey, Sayori, is everything... alright?”

Ugh, couldn't she have just not asked that question instead?? The only thing she knew that was really 'wrong' with her at the moment was also incredibly private and embarrassing. Never mind the fact that it involved Monika herself. “Oh, it's nothing really, I think I just overslept this morning.” That felt close enough to the truth to not be a lie. “Threw my whole day outta whack, ya know? I promise I'll be more normal in time for tomorrow's meeting.”

Monika smiled at her knowingly, shaking her head slowly. “I'm asking this as your friend, silly. Our new members seemed pretty happy, so it's hardly possible to make a better impression. But you were staring off into space almost all afternoon. I was... worried.” Making matters worse, Monika held out her hand. And it wouldn't have been right to leave her hanging! So Sayori took it and held it as they strolled along.

Perhaps, if nothing else, a half-truth would be enough to set the girl's mind at ease. “Do you ever find yourself drawing a million tiny comparisons to all the people around you? And it's like... it's like obviously you don't even come close to matching up? And obviously you shouldn't be doing this because that's just unnecessary? But now it's there in your head and you can't shake it?” She was starting to get a little desperate and stopped herself before she said something she'd regret.

Looking over at Monika, she was a bit surprised to see that she still looked perfectly understanding. “Hah, well of course! Oh, but... So then you were feeling that way because of... the three of us?” The revelation apparently came as a shock and she nearly stumbled as they turned a corner. “Well... Well of course I would understand that. Yuri and Natsuki are both pretty smart, and quite attractive. But it's not as if you have anything to worry about.”

Sayori's head canted to the side slightly. It was good to know that she wasn't alone, even if maybe her own version of admiration wasn't so normal. But what had she meant by that last part? “Nothing to worry about?”

The other girl just giggled, gently releasing her hand and turning to face her. “Well yes! You're very cute, and bubbly. You're filled to the brim with positive energy, and you seem quite eager to give your all when you put your mind to something. And I can say all that knowing you only a few days! You have nothing to be self conscious about...”

Having such kind things said about her should have been heart-warming, but instead it made Sayori all the more nervous and confused. She took a small backstep away from Monika, staring down at her feet. “I-I don't deserve to have someone like you saying such nice things about me...” She didn't realize she was starting to cry until her eyes were already burning and everything looked blurry and far away.

Their hands reattached like two magnets and suddenly Monika was walking her in an unknown direction with great determination. All Sayori could really do was follow along and hope that this wouldn't end in disaster like her brain said it would. By the time they reached their destination, she had managed to wipe away at least a few of the tears and she could see that they were walking up to an unfamiliar house. Monika's, presumably, since she was able to unlock the door and lead the way up to a comfortable bedroom. She was gently sat down on the edge of the bed, and then Monika began searching for something, though Sayori still couldn't quite see what was happening. It only became clear as Monika returned to sit next to her, and very gently started dabbing at her eyes with a soft handkerchief.

The kindness of it all just made her even more stupidly upset, making more tears for Monika to dry. But she kept on doing it dutifully, maybe even happily. “There there, it's okay. Sometimes you just have to have a nice little cry. There's no shame in that.”

“Hah. Sometimes I just can't help myself. It's the depression.” Oh no... That had simply slipped out, Sayori hadn't meant to drop her problems on someone she'd only just become friends with. But the joke escaped and there was no hope of putting it back into hiding now. She would just have to wait for the inevitable judgment.

Only, perhaps Monika also tried to apply her 'no judgment' rule to real life too. Because all she did was nod her head and continue wiping at her face, clearing away the last of her tears and more than likely straightening up her make-up. “Is that why you also have trouble with getting out of bed?”

“Mhmm...” she responded softly, giving a small nod. She couldn't really lie at this point, could she?

Finally Monika seemed content with her work and gently dropped the handkerchief in her laundry. Sayori wanted to be upset about ruining such a lovely bit of fabric, but if it wasn't bothering her host, then fretting would just be a waste of energy. She sat back down next to her, still smiling at her with that same pretty smile. “Maybe a friendly call in the morning would help?”

Sayori gave a sharp laugh that was a bit more callous than she meant for it to be. “You'd call me, every single morning?”

Monika's face barely changed. If anything, she looked even more assured now. “If it would help even a little bit, even if it would just make you feel better, then yes. I would be absolutely willing to do that for a friend.”

“But we've only known each other two days!” Again, the response left her before she could take it back, and now Sayori felt like a massive jerk.

Finally something in Monika began to crack too, and her brow furrowed slightly. Not from anger, more like she was staring at a tough math problem or something. “Maybe but... sometimes, just for a second, it feels like it's been much longer than that. You can tell me if I'm being creepy, but I already feel like it's my job to look after you.”

Crying was stupid because it was so embarrassing and annoying, and then when it was finally over, it left you feeling exhausted. So she shuffled over to sit next to Monika and lay her head against her shoulder. Without missing a beat, the other girl placed a protective arm around her. “I don't mind at all. I know I'm a little screwed up, and it means a lot that someone would think I'm worth giving that much attention to. And... And I don't know, I think maybe I feel the same way, like this club is fate or something.”

Hm, fate... I like that...”

Their conversation drifted off like that for a while. Occasionally Sayori would clear her throat and giggle nervously, or Monika would warmly rub her back and smile at her so sweetly. Maybe she couldn't bring any voice to the stranger thoughts she'd been having that day. But even if she had to keep stuff like that hidden, this was still far better than what her life had been like before. Finally she felt as though she had herself back under control, so Sayori stood and offered a humble bow to Monika. “Thank you so much for... for everything. I-I look forward to your call tomorrow morning.”

Monika giggled and stood up as well, pulling her into a brief, tight hug. “Give it time, you'll be annoyed by me eventually.”

Finally, Sayori was laughing again, sounding like her old self – and not just because she was forcing it. “Impossible.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

Yuri felt... good? Even though the club was a bit tiny and informal, everyone seemed kind and willing to explore all kinds of writing and reading. And although she hadn't meant to make any friends here, she and that girl Natsuki were currently walking together. For a moment or two, they merely strolled in moderately awkward silence. But if they were going to be in the club together, then Yuri wanted to at least try and get to know this girl a little bit better. So she nervously cleared her throat and looked over at her with a little smile. “So, ah, you live in this direction as well?”

The tiny girl's face scrunched up slightly, somewhere between anger and confusion. “Huh? Well duh, yeah. I'm not walking with you out of boredom or anything. It's just coincidence.”

It was strange. Natsuki was clearly being standoffish, as though she didn't really want to talk. On any other day, Yuri might have assumed that this girl didn't want anything to do with her – maybe even hated her. But some small part of her felt like she could already see through the mask, could tell that this girl was putting up a front. And if that sense of intuition were true, then Natsuki actually did want to continue walking together. She couldn't stop the small smile on her face from growing a little. At least she managed to keep herself from laughing. “Well please, don't let me slow you down, I tend to be a very casual walker.”

Natsuki crossed her arms and huffed dramatically. “Now that you've brought it up, it's not like I can just ditch you! It's fine. I don't even care.”

Yes, this girl was a curious one. This time, she couldn't help giggling just a little. “Okay~” They returned to traveling quietly, but now that the social barrier had been cracked, Yuri wanted to keep up the momentum. “You... said you read a great deal of manga, right?”

“What of it??” Okay, well perhaps her abrasiveness threatened to reach its limits. But even still, it was glaringly obvious to Yuri that it didn't come from an actual spirit of meanness. And perhaps the mystery that lay beneath it was the truly intriguing thing for her.

She fiddled with her hands, idly brushing a few specks of dust and dirt off her uniform. “Well. It's just that I've never read any. And I honestly know nothing about the form. Every time I've ever tried to pick something, I just become so overwhelmed by the amount of options. All those series, some of them with triple-digit chapters... Maybe you could suggest something for me?”

Natsuki's look of confusion doubled, mixed with surprise and maybe just a tinge of delight. “Really? I-I mean yeah, sure, I guess you could say I know my stuff!” Suddenly all of that combative attitude was gone from the girl, her chest puffing out, filled with pride. “Of course, it's not gonna be that easy! You're right, there's all kinds'a manga out there, and if you don't find one that's right for you, it's gonna turn you off the entire thing. So... what's your... deal?”

“My 'deal'? Oh, of course. Sometimes it's hard to pick, but I suppose I have a soft spot for books with darker themes, ones that focus on the psychology of the characters. B-But I'm open to trying something new too.” To her surprise, Yuri could already see her house coming up a little ways down the street. “Ah, well, this is me. At least this will give you the evening to see if you can decide on something. But... please don't strain yourself!” Yuri quickly bowed to her and then hurried inside her home. She glanced back out the window for just a moment, and noticed with no small amusement that Natsuki had turned around and was actually going back the direction they had just come.

Would Natsuki really go out of her way to walk her home? It was a curious thought.

* * *

That evening and the next day at school, all of it seemed to pass in a blur. Normally such a turn of phrase would be used idiomatically, but... It was strange. One moment she was at home, the next she was walking into the club room. She could remember perfectly everything that happened in between, but it felt as though her life had been briefly sent through fast-forward. But she was willing to accept that she had slept poorly or maybe that she was looking forward to seeing everyone again.

“Welcome back, Yuri!” It was a little surprising to see Sayori so bright and cheerful, greeting her as warmly as she did. Perhaps she had a rough day, and now she was back to her normal self. Or... maybe this would prove to be normal for her? Yuri knew it was rude to make too many assumptions about a person so soon after meeting them – even if she was once again experiencing the sensation that she knew this girl beyond the one meeting they'd had. But Yuri opted to keep all these fantastical ideas in the back of her mind where they couldn't do any harm. “I'm glad to see we haven't scared you off.”

She chuckled softly, tilting her head a little. “Perish the thought. I have a very good feeling about this club. You and Monika have done a wonderful job making it feel like... home.”

Monika joined the conversation, practically glowing. “That was the intention! I'm so glad you're feeling comfortable here.”

Their cheerful greetings were suddenly interrupted by a cacophony on the other side of the door. It finally slid part of the way open, guided by a foot that struggled to open it any further. The trouble, it seemed, was that Natsuki was trying to enter while carrying a rather impressive box that must have been rather heavy. Yuri hurried over to open the door the rest of the way for her, and the girl scurried in to set the burden down on the nearest desk with a heavy sigh. “Hah... I should have paced myself better.”

The rest of them were all looking at her in confusion while Yuri shut the door again. Sayori gave the box an experimental poke. “What is all of this anyway?”

“It's a bunch of my manga. I, in my infinite kindness, have agreed to introduce my compatriate Yuri to the beautiful world of graphic novels. And I kept finding more things I wanted to introduce her to. And then other stuff I was thinking I should re-read. And even a few that you two might enjoy. So I figured, hell, I'll just bring a bunch of them with me!” Like the day before, Natsuki puffed up her chest and grinned like she was the greatest person in the universe.

Unable to help her curiosity, Yuri went to the box and opened it, peering inside. “Well, as grateful as I am that you were so thoughtful, I should really only read one at a time. Which did you intend to show me first?”

Natsuki's fingers went for a walk along the spines of the books before plucking one dramatically from inside and passing it to her eagerly with that same huge grin. “Annnnnd here you go!”

“Hmmm... A magical girl story?” Yuri hadn't meant for the words to come out so unconvinced, that was far too rude. But Natsuki looked as though she was prepared for this.

“Yuri, Yuri, Yuri... I can't believe you'd actually forget rule number one-”

Before she could even finish that thought, Sayori and Monika cut her off, chiming in unison. “Don't judge a book by it's cover!”

“What they said,” she replied with a snicker. “It's got dark themes even though it doesn't seem like it, a little action, a little romance, a little suffering, and a lot of psychological content.”

She couldn't maintain her composure any longer, and Yuri broke out in soft giggling, bringing a hand to her mouth even though it did little to hide her amusement. “Alright, alright, I promise I shall give it a fair trial.” As the first day of the club where they didn't have to discuss all the boring stuff, the girls decided to celebrate by all reading together. Each of them took a space and got comfortable, each one holding one of the manga that Natsuki had brought in.

* * *

Even with her fast reading speed, it took Yuri a few days to get through the majority of the series that Natsuki had recommended for her. But finally she felt as though she had made it through enough of the story that she was starting to get a proper handle on why this was the story chosen for her to read. But among all the things that she would no doubt want to discuss, there was one that sat at the forefront of her mind. It was another quiet day in the club room and everyone was reading again. Even though it might disrupt Monika and Sayori as well, Yuri gently closed the manga in her hands and looked at the other girl. “Ah... Natsuki?” She kept her voice quiet as possible, just to avoid disturbing the others if she could help it.

“Hm? Did you finish?” She sat up, eyes looking a bit... sparkly for a moment? Had she been waiting excitedly this whole time for her to be done with it?

Yuri shook her head slowly. “Very nearly. There's a great deal to unpack here, but I wanted to ask you something specific. You... Well, when you first mentioned that this story featured romance, I had taken that to be referring to Sayaka and her friend in the hospital. But... did you perhaps mean the relationship between Madoka and Homura? Or... Or maybe Sayaka and Kyoko? I think perhaps the argument could be made for there being a spark between Madoka and Sayaka, or perhaps even her and Mami? I-I must admit, I'm intrigued to hear your thoughts.”

In truth, Yuri's opinion on the topic was a good deal more nuanced than that. But she still wasn't entirely certain how much she could say here yet. Especially since the others were there too.

“Oh, well... I think all of that stuff is kinda true at the same time. Sometimes it's subtext, sometimes it's very blatant context. Normally I like when stuff is more in-your-face, but I have to admit I enjoy the way they left it open. Then again, once you get a little further, I think some of that ambiguity gets resolved...” She glanced off to the side, and Yuri noticed that Natsuki's cheeks were starting to glow a bit.

Despite her best efforts to keep the conversation between the two of them, it looked like Sayori and Monika were both looking at them curiously now. Sayori cleared her throat gently, setting her own book aside. “I remember watching the show. I... had never thought about all that stuff before. Do you... D-Do you really think all of those things could be true at the same time?” The girl was blushing twice as hard as Natsuki was, and she seemed to be legitimately hanging on with rapt attention, as though something very important hung in the balance.

All three of them were looking at Natsuki now. She shifted her posture, looking rather uncomfortable with all the attention on her. “W-Well jeez, I don't know! Probably? People are complex and... and sometimes we spend so much time worrying about making a choice between two things that we don't consider the possibility that we don't even have to make a choice in the first place!” She crossed her arms, pouting and staring at the floor. “Jeez...”

Now everybody was blushing at least a little, but it was Monika that chose to speak up. She laughed gently and stood, grabbing her pillow and taking it back to their closet. “Well, I think we can probably call it for today. This gives me a good idea, perhaps we should try to find something we can read as a group sometime. We've got a lot of different personalities here and I think we could help one another discover interesting interpretations we never would have considered on our own. Give it some thought, and I'll see you all tomorrow.”

They quickly cleaned up everything and put the classroom back in order. Once that was done, Natsuki and Sayori both rushed off to the bathroom. Yuri left with Monika, and she could tell the other girl was glancing at her occasionally, trying to stop herself from smiling too much (and not really succeeding). “Is there something on your mind, Monika?”

She quickly shook her head in response, still just smiling pleasantly. “Nothing specific. I'm just feeling incredibly proud of how well the club is going.”

“Yes, it truly seems you've made something... special.” Now even Yuri was smiling a little brighter. It felt as though there was something exciting waiting for all of them in the future. That was a nice feeling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never actually read the manga for the series, so I'm just basing my knowledge off the show and Rebellion. Sorry if I got anything disgustingly wrong~


	4. Chapter 4

Natsuki could hardly believe it. She thought she had made it pretty clear that after such an embarrassing conversation she needed a moment to cool off. But for some reason Sayori trailed right after her to the bathroom. She was terrified the girl was going to corner her into a second, even more awkward conversation in the school's toilet – basically worst-case scenario. Thankfully, she was at least kind enough to not say anything while they each did their own thing. It wasn't until they had washed and dried their hands and exited back out into the hallway that Sayori finally spoke her mind.

“Did you... really mean what you were saying back there?”

Admittedly it was usually a fifty/fifty split as to whether Natsuki was masking her emotions or being overly honest, and she couldn't immediately decide which statement the girl could even be referring to. “Um, could you be slightly more specific?”

Sayori pouted, clenching her hands tightly. “About Madoka, and... and having feelings for a bunch of different people...”

Natsuki cursed inwardly. Why in the hell did she have to go and say something so weird and honest like that? If she had just given a more token answer, then Sayori probably wouldn't even want to have this awkward talk with her! Still, even as she had that thought, she was also slowly struck by the realization that Sayori must be talking about herself, and that was kind of fascinating. If she was dealing with something that complicated, then maybe she should at least try and hear her out, right? “I mean, yeah. I'm probably biased I guess, and you shouldn't feel bad if you didn't see it. After all, that's just my opinion or whatever. It's not like you have to interpret it that way.”

The girl shook her head, adjusting her bag, still with that thoughtful pout on her face. “Th-That's not really... I-I was asking because... It's that I recently started experiencing something... similar?”

Her eyebrows shot up, and she felt a little bad for how obvious her surprise was. This was getting more interesting by the minute. “Got a couple different guys you've got your eye on or something?”

“...or something...”

As always, her reflexes kicked in. Rather than being understanding or open, she just crossed her arms and scoffed. “Oh come on! We're already talking about it. No point in getting coy now!”

In spite of her awfulness, or maybe because of it, Sayori caved. “We-Well, when I first met Monika, I was kinda stunned by how pretty and kind she was... A-And then Yuri, who is just gorgeous and smart...”

Again, what Natsuki mainly felt was jealousy, since she herself was beginning to nurse a bit of a crush on Yuri. It wasn't like she had been especially subtle about it, strolling into the club to give her an entire box of reading material. For a girl like Yuri, that was practically first base! But she couldn't come out and say it, so instead she indignantly rolled her eyes. “What, no love for me?”

There was a rather heavy silence before Sayori barely managed to whisper “Well I didn't say _that_...”

Ah crap. She was actually going to have to be... nice, wasn't she?? “Sayori, it's... it's okay to feel that way, y'know. I mean, I guess... I guess you're not exactly the only one who feels that way. Jeez, at least you were brave enough to be honest about it! That's more than I can say.”

There was more silence, though at least a glance told her that Sayori was starting to smile again. Finally she found her voice again. “You wanna come hang out at my house?”

“...sure.” Natsuki shrugged. No point in not following this to whatever crazy conclusion it would reach.

* * *

Sayori's room was exactly as cutesy and messy as Natsuki had imagined it to be. While she made herself comfortable, her host put on some music and then joined her on the bed. “So...” Natsuki attempted as a beginning, but she wasn't really sure what to follow it up with.

Sayori laughed awkwardly and shifted her position slightly. “Sorry, I don't really have a lot of guests over. It can be tough to make myself clean up when I don't have a good excuse. I'm sure you'd... prefer to be home right now.”

At that statement, Natsuki just couldn't help but give a rather sharp laugh. “Yeah, no, home sucks. Seriously, I'm happy to hide here as long as you'll let me.” She absentmindedly began to rub her arm where one of her latest bruises was. Bastard always made sure to get here where it wouldn't be obvious. “That was maybe a crappy way to say it. I'm glad you invited me.”

Sayori's hands idly fiddled with the hem of her skirt and she joined her in more awkward laughter. “And you don't mind? That I basically just confessed to having, I don't know, a crush on you or whatever? That doesn't make things awkward?”

Natsuki shrugged, which was fast becoming her response to pretty much everything. “It's fine. I mean you also apparently have feelings for Yuri and Monika too. And...” She sighed, trying to draw up every last ounce of strength she had. She'd let herself get drawn into this situation, and she couldn't snark her way out of it. “And maybe I'm... I'm in the same boat. Kinda. I guess. I just wanted to join a club so I could stay at school for a few more hours. It didn't occur to me how much I might appreciate the people that made it feel so safe. And yes, before you ask, that includes you too! So please don't ask me.” She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the weird feeling of guilt that washed over her. “It's only been a few days but you guys already feel like my best friends... Like I've known you for years. It's freaky. But ignoring it would just be stupid so... whatever.”

She was really worried that Sayori might try to say something in return. She wasn't sure she was quite prepared for that yet. Instead, she just took her hand and shuffled over closer to her, leaning against her with a little hum of approval. It must have been several minutes of the two of them just sitting there with the soft music providing a tiny distraction. It was peaceful, even if it was fraught with tension. Natsuki had just started to adjust when Sayori finally spoke again, still in that hushed whisper. “Do you think they'd hate us? If they found out?”

“No.” The answer came out even more certain than she had expected it to sound. “I mean, from what Yuri was saying about the manga, maybe it was already on her mind, which means she must be at least a little open to the idea of it. And Monika, even if she doesn't want to be club president, she still seems focused on watching out for us and all of us being... close? It's not the most insane thing in the world.”

Sayori made a kind of whimpering noise and sort of nuzzled into her shoulder. “Even me? I'm not like you guys. I'm not special or beautiful. Why would someone want me?”

That seemed almost impossible. Surely she had to know how cute she was, right? Natsuki, for all her posturing, was kind of an expert on cuteness. But now that she was considering what she had seen and heard so far, maybe just telling Sayori that she definitely was cute wouldn't be the best idea. Perhaps she would be more willing to accept direct action? Could Natsuki really do that? She certainly _wanted_ to! “You're such a dummy...” she said ominously, before leaning in and pressing her lips against Sayori's.

It was not at all like what any of her stories would have her believe. There was a significant lack of fireworks. It was clumsy and unsure, and at one point she tried to do a thing with her tongue that the other girl clearly didn't like and she had to quickly retreat and go back to just using her lips. But she didn't get shunned or pushed away, and eventually it ended with the both of them blushing equally hard. “I'm not a dummy you jerk...” she finally quipped back, though the big smile on her face spoke volumes. “Are we really going to do this? What if it screws things up?”

It was a fair question, and Natsuki didn't have a great answer. But she had to say something. “Hey, if it goes poorly, you still got me. For whatever that's worth.” She chuckled and squeezed her hand gently. “But I really don't think it will come to that. I can't say exactly why. It's mostly just a feeling I have.” That had been happening a lot lately. Deja-vu, strange dreams, memories that never happened. Some of them were quite nice, others were incredibly terrifying. But all of them seemed to be serving her, guiding her where to go next. “I think I have a plan.”

* * *

The idea was relatively simple. Over the weekend, each of them would hang out with the girl they were closer to and bring the idea up with them privately. Then, back in the club on Monday, they could all talk about it together. Natsuki was in the process of cooking up the perfect excuse to hang out with Yuri when the girl called her and asked if she would like to go to the book store. Sure, it was exactly what she needed, but she was still a little sore about not getting to be more clever about it.

So that was how she found herself spending a Saturday afternoon with Yuri in a little bookshop. She was grateful that it was a lesser-known place so she wouldn't feel as awkward about the conversation she was about to initiate. “S-So yeah, what was it you wanted to talk about?”

“Well, you were so kind to introduce me to a series that I'm greatly enjoying. I thought that perhaps I should do the same for you.” She motioned for Natsuki to follow, so she walked along beside her as Yuri led the way toward the fantasy/sci-fi section. She started trailing a finger along the books until she located what she was looking for. “Ah, Sir Terry Pratchett... Rest in peace.”

“Sir?? Sounds kinda stuffy to me...” Inwardly, Natsuki cursed loudly. Why did she have to be such a massive bitch about every little thing? Just because she was a little scared of being authentic for even a second. “Why is an author a knight?”

“It happens to English authors who are particularly skilled. I chose Pratchett because. Well. I think perhaps his style most fits yours. It's a bit rough and coarse at times, funny and wry, and the social commentary is quite poignant. There's a little bit of everything.” Finally Yuri took one of the books out and passed it to her with that rare little smile of hers.

She flipped the book over to look at the description and began to smile. Mort, a story about Death, his servant, his daughter, and his new apprentice. It really did sound pretty good. Hell, no time like the present, right? “Yuri... Sayori and I were talking the other day and... and she admitted that she has kind of a crush on all of us a-and I confessed that maybe I did too. We thought it might be best to just stay as honest about it as possible and see how you and Monika felt. And there's no pressure or anything, you can take a while to decide but also maybe don't take forever because that would be annoying. But that way on Monday we could all talk about it together.” As she spoke, her voice got more rushed and she continued to fiddle with the book in her hands.

The motion was ceased when she suddenly felt Yuri's hand come to rest on top of her head, rubbing affectionately. Not only that but she was... laughing?? “Natsuki, you really are too cute for words. It will be a bit... scary and new for me since I still don't even know what to do with attention from one person. But... if it's true that Sayori feels the same, perhaps Monika will not be hard to convince. Ah, still, we've only barely started our day together. Why don't I buy that book for you and then we can go to the movies?”

“S-Sure, whatever, that'd be cool I guess.”

Yuri giggled again, obviously amused by her poor attempt at a smooth response. “Then we'd best be on our way,” she responded before gently stealing her hand. “I would like at least one date before I'm forced to share.”

Natsuki chose not to mention the kiss she already shared with Sayori. Perhaps she could at least use that experience to make the next one better.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are gonna start getting a bit meta from here on out, so if that's not your thing, you may just wanna keep it to the first four chapters. But if you're here, then you're probably a fan of the game, which means you're already on board. And don't worry, it's still gonna be plenty cute. I don't think I know any other way to write.

Monika was plagued by bad dreams lately. Nightmares really, or perhaps there was a stronger word available. Night terrors? The only thing that saved her this particular day was the gentle ringing of her phone. She looked at the screen and saw Sayori's name, immediately smiling in response. Of course after a week of helping look in on the girl to ensure she wasn't getting stuck in bed, Sayori would be the one to save her from her bad dreams.

She answered the call and brought the phone to her ear, giving an overly drowsy “Mmm, hey~”

She heard that familiar giggling from the other line and already she felt a little more awake. “How would you feel about lunch in the park?”

* * *

As it turned, Sayori had not only planned a Sunday afternoon for them, but had even gone so far as to make some bento boxes to enjoy. Monika watched in amazement as the girl spread out a colorful blanket to sit on then placed one of the boxes in front of her. “I um... tried to make it kind of decorative, but it seems I don't have the skill to do that. But it should still be delicious.”

Monika popped the lid off and peered inside. Sure enough, she could just make out a few cutesy animal faces, but they were... unclear. Still, she happily popped some of the food into her mouth, and found that even if Sayori wasn't an artistic chef, she could make a delicious lunch. “Oh, it's perfectly fine. Wonderful even! Thank you for all this. It's a fabulous way to spend a free day.”

“I'm sorry for waking you up like that...” Sayori said bashfully as she speared a vegetable with a chopstick.

Monika shook her head and smiled warmly. “Don't be. You were doing me a favor.”

Of course, that naturally made Sayori concerned and she looked at her with those wide eyes, head tilting slightly. “W-What do you mean?”

Monika knew she shouldn't have phrased it that way. She certainly didn't want to worry her friend. And she hated the idea of being an emotional burden. Never mind the disturbing content of some of her dreams. If she said too much, it would probably make everyone hate her. So she just laughed and shoved more food in her mouth. “Nothing serious, just a nightmare.”

“Oh! Well then I might have some... potentially good news for you?” Monika suddenly noticed that Sayori's face was becoming quite red. Her interest was certainly piqued. “S-So um... So Natsuki and I were talking after that whole thing about Madoka Magica. A-And maybe... Well, I mentioned that... that I was crushing on you? And also her and Yuri? A-And she said that she was kind of going through the same thing?” She accidentally fumbled her chopsticks and hurried to pick them back up. “We talked it out and judging by the text she sent me Yuri is intrigued too! S-So... So if that's something you wouldn't be completely against, then maybe we can figure it out on Monday. Together.”

Oh, no. Monika wanted more than anything to give a cry of joy and pull Sayori into her arms. But she couldn't. Not with the things her brain had conjured up in her dreams lately. “I-I... cannot tell you how happy I am to hear that. And... how much it hurts for me to say that I think it would be best for the three of you to forget about me. I'm not certain that I deserve something so wonderful.”

Sayori laughed nervously, looking around them for a moment, as though at any moment the punchline might be revealed. “Hah, what the heck do you mean? You're amazing.”

“I'm not. I...” She took in a deep breath, trying to center herself. “I think I might be a very terrible person. But... But if I say more you're also going to think I'm crazy! So... I'm in a bit of a bad position no matter what. You see?”

Sayori pouted, putting aside the rest of her bento before shuffling closer to her on the blanket. “Monika! You can't just say something like that and then expect me to not want follow-up! I... We... care about you. And it doesn't matter if it's because of something you were told by space aliens or a demon or something. Because I'm still going to prove you wrong and show you that you are definitely amazing. Got it?”

Well, no way out now. She would just have to do her best to not sound too crazy. “After you, Natsuki, and Yuri joined the club, I started having some rather strange dreams. Very realistic dreams where I was super-powerful and I... I did such awful things to you guys. And all because I wanted to get closer to a boy. His... His name was Yuu?”

She expected Sayori to look at her with wide-eyed fear or confusion. She hadn't thought she'd receive a look of recognition instead. “Th-That was his name! My friend, that... moved... away?” Ah, and there was the confusion. Admittedly, Monika felt it too, so she could hardly judge.

“Exactly. I can't help but be utterly terrified that I'm not just dreaming, I'm... remembering things that never happened.”

Sayori shook her head desperately. “N-No, that's not possible! Maybe you just heard his name somewhere and it stuck in your mind. Or... Or maybe I mentioned it, and you just subconsciously focused on it? Th-That's...” She stopped herself, now staring off into the middle distance. When she finally spoke again, it was in a hushed whisper. “I've been having dreams too. About him. About us. I killed myself because...”

“Because of me.” If Sayori was whispering, then Monika was barely even audible now as her throat began to close up and she felt the desire to cry growing. “Because I cared more about getting what I wanted. Because I'm a monster.”

“No!” Sayori's voice was suddenly back at its normal volume, perhaps even louder, and it was enough of a shock to make Monika gasp. “No. Maybe that other Monika did those things. But... But we're different now. I can feel it. E-Even if you don't trust yourself, I still trust you. And I just know the others will too when we talk to them.”

The tears that had merely been threatening to fall were now coming in earnest. Usually so strong and sure, Monika was now whimpering pathetically. Sayori was quick to respond, moving to sit next to her, pulling her in against her shoulder even if she was a little too short to pull it off. Sayori's hand began softly stroking her hair. “The only thing I'm sure of is that I'm a monster. And that if you're not careful, I'm going to hurt you. Somehow.” That might have almost sounded like a threat if she weren't so sad.

Sayori just shushed her softly and continued to stroke her hair. With all her arguments summarily rejected or ignored, they sat there for a while in silence while Monika tried to find her peace again. Eventually the younger girl let go of her, reaching for both bento boxes. “It's bad to waste food. C'mon,eat up.” She actually went so far as to pluck a piece of sushi in her own chopsticks to feed Monika directly. It was shameful, but she couldn't help noticing how oddly romantic it was. Finally she relented and ate the treat, unable to deny that it was delicious. She even started to smile a little bit again. “There we go...”

“Sayori? Have you ever noticed that time always seems to fast forward whenever you're alone?” Her brow knit together in concentration. “I think you're right. We need Yuri and Natsuki. Maybe... Maybe they can help, or give us pieces we don't have.”

“So what are you saying? If we... both go home, then we'll just suddenly be there?” Sayori didn't so much sound unconvinced as she was _trying_ to sound unconvinced. Monika knew it was crazy, but it was also something she had experienced multiple times lately. She was nearly positive.

* * *

Admittedly, Monika wanted to spend more time with Sayori. In a normal world, she would have. But she was beginning to suspect that this was not exactly a normal world. So the two of them agreed to head home for the afternoon. And as disturbing as it was, she did feel a certain amount of delight to suddenly find herself approaching the club room door as Sayori walked over from the opposite direction. She looked equally freaked out. “I-I don't think I wanna talk about how nuts that was...”

Monika just nodded and opened the door, a little surprised to see Yuri and Natsuki waiting for them in the middle of the room. Yuri was waiting patiently, Natsuki less so. “Hello everyone. I... suppose we need to talk...”

“Uh, yeah, understatement of the century there, fearless leader.” Natsuki seemed upset, and if she remembered even a fraction of what happened, then Monika could hardly blame her.

So she went to the closet and retrieved their pillows like it was any other club meeting. Only it very much wasn't. They all took their time getting situated before she got the conversation started. “There are some... some things I need to say first. I'm the reason you all are having these terrible dreams and... fractured memories. Whatever happened to you, I know that it's because of me. And if that changes how you feel about me, I'll understand. I-I'll leave, if you tell me to.”

“No.” It was a bit jarring to hear Yuri sound so certain. It was the same voice she got when she began talking about a book she loved. “Those things may be memories, but they still feel as though they happened in another lifetime. Wherever we are now, things are clearly different. You are not the same demon I see in my dreams. If you wish to perform penance, I won't stop you. But I don't know if it's necessary.”

“It's the club!” Sayori suddenly sat up straight, looking intently at each one of them. “Monika was president! I remember! We didn't used to have everyone share responsibility equally. Something changed.”

It was like a brilliant light flashing in Monika's mind, her eyes going wide. “I changed it. _That_ was my penance. I gave an equal piece to each of us, and because of that, we don't have a president anymore. That must be why we've all been able to remember things. If only we could have avoided it – the pain of it all... I-I'm sorry everyone.”

Monika was shocked out of her misery as all three girls suddenly went in for an incredibly awkward but otherwise warm and loving hug. Even more surprising, Natsuki and Sayori each kissed a cheek while Yuri pecked her forehead. “We should stay focused on the present, Monika. The here and now is more important,” the quiet girl whispered softly. “I think I might have an idea.”

* * *

If time skipped when they were apart, then it stood to reason that as long as they were together, things would normalize. Natsuki was desperate to be anywhere other than her house, so she came home with Monika, while Yuri invited Sayori over to her home.

Admittedly, Monika was a little nervous. Natsuki was the only one who hadn't openly and clearly absolved her of her myriad crimes. And walking to her home in silence wasn't helping matters any. The girl didn't even speak until they were safely inside and able to observe that the world was still spinning normally. “I know you got the all-clear from Yuri and Sayori, but honestly, I'm still kind of mad at you. Y-You knew what my home life was like! Yet you continually pushed everyone away from me just for some dick who wasn't even real... A-And then the one time we were all getting along and Yuri and I were practically friends, you refused to let yourself be unmade and ruined it all over again!!” She huffed, but her anger seemed to have already flared out.

Monika just nodded her head sadly. “You're... absolutely right. But then... why did you agree to come home with me instead of one of the others?”

Without warning, Natsuki leapt at her, and Monika just barely managed to catch the girl under her thighs as her arms went around her neck. Monika inwardly thanked her lucky stars Natsuki was as tiny as she was. “B-Because... I-I figure you can start paying me back with a few million kisses and then I can decide where we stand.” And just like that, Natsuki began kissing her furiously, again and again, and all she could do at that point was just hang on and survive the ride.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Going home with Yuri turned out to be quite the delightful experience. She could be so pleasant and she always seemed to have an interesting thought about something. So Sayori would turn the conversation in a random direction and then just sit back and enjoy as Yuri got all intelligent. When they got to her house, she gave Sayori the freedom to go crazy in her kitchen and whip up a light dinner for them. She caught sight of Yuri giving her an affectionate look as she moved about the kitchen to put something together. So then, the feeling of admiration was mutual. That was something that Sayori knew was going to take her a long time to get over. She could dish it out but she couldn't take it, essentially. Still, with three girls all showering her with affection, there wasn't much she could do but learn to accept it.

They took their food up to Yuri's room, pausing once they got comfortable to marvel at something strange. “Are your parents usually out this late?”

“...no, but I think we may have messed something up now that we've become aware of how things work here. Perhaps. Either way, I'm choosing to ignore it for now. I just want to relax...”

Something about the way she'd said the word 'relax' made a pleasant little shiver pass over Sayori as she dug into her meal. After some thought, they agreed to put on the Madoka Magica anime for Yuri to compare and contrast with the manga. As dishes emptied they were moved aside and before she knew it, Sayori was snuggled up with Yuri as the taller girl spooned her, occasionally giving her a gentle nuzzle.

At some point, though, the anime was basically forgotten as Yuri gently urged her to turn onto her other side so that they were looking into one another's eyes. “Oh. Um. Hi there.”

“Hello~” That was all Yuri said, with the fondest sincerity, before leaning in to press their lips together. The gesture was a surprise, but not unwelcome. She was slower than Natsuki, easier-going. There was no real end-goal to speak of. Just a slow-paced examination of the experience. Different, but not bad at all. Sayori was happy to continue this for as long as Yuri wanted.

And they did, pausing only long enough to shut off the anime and change into some pajamas.

* * *

Sayori hadn't realized how nice it was to actually wake up in bed until it happened to her. For the last few days, she'd only been remembering it as she went to the club room. Granted, it helped to wake up in the arms of a beautiful girl like Yuri. Surprisingly, her companion was already awake and idly messing around on her phone. She gave a drowsy noise that was something of a yawn and something of a purr, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Whatcha lookin' at?”

She looked over at her and smiled wider than Sayori had ever seen before. Was she really smiling like that because of her?? It felt... hard to believe. “Ah, I was... testing a theory, I suppose. From everything we've talked about, I assumed that we were in some sort of simulation. So it would stand to reason that our phones would be equipped to maintain the ruse. But no matter how hard I try, I can't find anything about our high school. I can't even find our town. Here...” She shifted so that both of them could see her phone, then pulled up the map application. “We don't have real GPS coordinates. This places is in the middle of the Gulf of Guinea. We have... We have access to what I assume might be the 'real' internet, whatever that means. So our world may not be real, but we're connected to the world outside.”

Sayori's head was spinning. She simply didn't have the same faculties as her friend. She might as well have been speaking another language. “I don't really understand. But I'm glad you're putting the pieces together.” Content in the knowledge that she might never really get it, Sayori just relaxed and took Yuri's hand in her own. She had become incredibly aware of the fact that she always wore long sleeves no matter where she was. At this point, it was hard to forget why she would do that, wanting to hide the scars on her arms. But she honestly didn't understand why she covered up even now. “You know, Yuri, you don't have to hide your arms around us. We care about you for who you are... all of you...”

There was a long pause as Yuri studied her. Slowly and without a word, she shut her phone off and set it aside, then turned all her attention back to Sayori. She fiddled with her hand slowly until she finally seemed to find her words and sighed sadly. “I... do not keep my arms covered for you all. It's so I don't have to look at them myself...”

Oof. Say no more. Considering her own history, Sayori completely understood what Yuri was talking about. Sometimes she could still feel that sensation from hanging herself, and it was unspeakable. Even if she didn't quite understand why she would hurt herself so consistently, she realized (perhaps too late) that she didn't _have_ to know either. “Okay~ I promise I won't bring it up again. You're one of us, and we're in this together, no matter what.”

Yuri smiled, surprisingly. “It's okay. It can be... important to talk, sometimes. I think maybe not talking is the reason we got into so much trouble before. As much as I'm going to regret saying this, you should feel free to ask me more in the future. But... not now. Right now, I think you owe me a distraction.” Sayori didn't have much time to think before Yuri was going for another round of soft, slow kisses.

* * *

They were inevitably interrupted by a call from Monika and Natsuki. Yuri and Sayori sat there with bright blushes on their faces as they tried to play it cool and pretend they weren't just cut off from more making out. “Hey, Monika's gonna steal her dad's car or whatever and we're gonna come pick you up. She's got some kinda wild hair up her ass and we're all along for the ride. Get ready and we'll be there soon.”

The two of them laughed softly as they climbed off the bed and got dressed, quietly discussing what Monika could possibly have in mind to show them. Eventually they decided to just wait it out, finishing up and heading outside to wait. It didn't take all that long before a sensible sedan came to a stop in front of them. Yuri climbed in back to sit with Natsuki while Sayori took shotgun. She noticed, with no small amount of delight, that her neck was covered in a few bright hickeys. Things had obviously gone well for everyone last night.

“So, where are we heading anyway?” Sayori asked as she got buckled up.

Monika drove on down the street with a satisfied smile. “I want to see what's beyond this city.”

“We may very well find nothing at all, Monika. As near as I can tell, this city does not really exist.” Yuri spoke up nervously from the back seat. It was good to know Sayori wasn't the only one nervous about the idea of driving right into the wall of nothingness.

“Honestly, that's kind of what I'm hoping for.” She drove on regardless of their worries.

* * *

The change wasn't automatic. First, the trees began to thin out until they were all but gone. The buildings went next, although in some places you could still see foundations or walls left standing by themselves. The grass started to recede next, and then even the sky and ground. By the time the car came to a stop, they were hovering in a white void.

Each girl stepped uneasily out of the vehicle, and Sayori had to fight the wave of vertigo as she made the huge mistake of looking down before grabbing onto the car as though it might save her. “Hah, okay well... we found the end of everything. Um, can we go back now?”

Monika came around the front of the car and took her hand, immediately helping her feel more secure. “Actually... I was thinking we might see if we can make a new home here. Somewhere safe that belongs just to us.”

“While I can admit that the real estate here is optimal, Monika, I'm not sure it's really possible to build a house here where the sidewalk ends. How would we even go about doing such a thing?” Yuri mirrored them, taking Natsuki's hand and holding it tightly. Perhaps she was feeling wobbly too?

Monika, however, was still just staring off into the distance, even though there was literally nothing to see out there. “You know, when I was president, I knew how to change things. But not how to create them. Maybe between the four of us, we can do better.”

The others came over and all four of them were now holding hands in a little circle. As soon as the link was completed, something flashed in Sayori's mind. She had most definitely felt this once before, in some other lifetime. When she had been president herself, for just a fleeting moment. This was all just some game – not as a saying, but quite literally. And this void was where the program simply stopped. No longer programs themselves, they could extend beyond that boundary. And now, they wanted to make a place for themselves, away from an abusive father or needless schoolwork.

“You know, changing things isn't so different from making them. Especially when you've got a bunch of materials sitting nearby. Can't be all that hard...” Sayori mused to herself. And already she could see that things were happening around them. She didn't have good words for it, no real idea how she was doing it. She was nothing like Monika, with her precise coding skills. She just came by it naturally and things started to happen.

The barren landscape soon became a beautiful little meadow, with a calm lake off to one side. Trees and flowers sprung up everywhere, and on all sides hills to fix up the horizon and increase the sense of privacy. But when it came to everything else, Sayori wasn't certain that she knew how to make them a proper place to live in. There was also still that business of the sky up above that needed to be created.

However, it seemed as though the girls could read her mind, because Yuri picked up right where she left off and started to fill the sky with a brilliant blue. Then she layered it with the fluffiest clouds she had ever seen. She even placed a sun above them and managed to make it look like it was far away, not just a tiny yellow circle hovering a few miles above them. Leave it to Yuri to get the tiny details right. “Hmmm, getting a proper night/day cycle may take some recalibrating, not to mention realistic weather, but... I am happy with what I've done thus far...”

Natsuki was more than willing to take over making the house itself. She took her time, pulling designs from anywhere and everywhere she could find. Materials too. After all, there were nothing but hollow shells in that town anyway. They were the only ones who were real. Much to everyone's relief, she didn't make it overly cutesy, except for a few small touches here and there. A kitchen with lots of space for her to bake and Sayori to cook. A library with enough storage space, and a cozy reading room with tons of couches.

“Ah, how uh... how many... bedrooms?”

Monika smiled and glanced over at her, seemingly proud to show off all the signs of the night the two of them had together. “It's our impossible magic house. We might as well make it five. One personal room for each of us, and then a communal room with a big cozy bed. Doesn't that sound just lovely?”

Natsuki hesitated for a moment. “Err, not really gonna be able to fit all of that with the current design of the house...”

“That's alright, we just have to fold space a little bit to make it work. It's actually quite simple. I can help you with that.” Gentle and kind as can be, the two worked together to fit a few extra rooms into the upstairs of the house. They figured it out soon enough, and the four of them turned to look at their new home.

Sayori's heart practically stopped and her breath hitched in her throat.

It was perfect.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a little bit kinky, but not particularly explicit or anything. The focus is still mostly on character development and the like.

While there were definitely benefits to waking up in a bed with someone else, Yuri found that sometimes she still liked her solitude, even from the girls she loved. It was so nice to wake up in a bed that belonged solely to you, with blankets that you weren't fighting over, and all the pillows could be hogged as much as you liked. She was happy being in a place where no one was shaking her awake or telling her not to waste the day. Yuri still needed to be free to get up on her own schedule from time to time.

Not that she intended to be a layabout. But sometimes she just needed some alone time.

When she did finally crawl out from under the warm covers, she stumbled down into the kitchen in her pajamas. She saw that the kettle, already filled with water, sitting next to a mug with a tea infuser. There was a sticky note attached written in familiar scribbles. “Property of Yuri! That means you!” Underneath was an equally familiar smiley face.

“Sayori~ Aggressively thoughtful as always.” She set the water to boil and then settled on one of the stools by the counter, looking out the window at their little paradise. It was still taking some getting used to – knowing that their world wasn't real, that perhaps at one time none of them were real, and accepting for the time being that they might never really understand why that changed. But they were safe and happy and together, and maybe it was okay for that to be enough.

She was pulled from her thoughts by the whistling of the kettle. With practiced hands she poured out the water and added the infuser that Sayori had thoughtfully filled with loose chamomile leaves. Once steeped, she added the necessary amount of milk and honey before making her way into the library. Out of everything, this was perhaps the most magical part for Yuri. Natsuki and Monika had outdone themselves with this place, making bookshelves that could essentially provide any book imaginable through some manner of internet wizardry.

Still, even with every book ever at her fingertips, Yuri couldn't help but go back to an old favorite sometimes. She tipped down a copy of the Hobbit and then went over to one of the many cozy couches to snuggle up and read. Things were relatively quiet in the house, and she idly wondered what the others were getting up to. Right about that time, Monika came strolling into the library, going to one of the shelves and fiddling with some of the volumes before selecting something, possibly at random, and coming over to join her on the couch. There were very few people that could sit so close to Yuri while she read, and the entire list was living under the same roof.

Besides, Monika wasn't much of a chatter box during reading time, so Yuri could trust her to provide peace and quiet. There was something delightfully intimate about reading with someone, neither person saying a word, but still that almost intermingling magnetic force between the two of you that you couldn't ignore. In the best case scenario, it was calming, comforting. There was nearly a full hour of bliss before either of them even said anything.

“Yuri, can I ask you something?”

Suddenly, she was aware that Monika hadn't come here to read in the first place. But she so respected the girl's need for space that she had perhaps grabbed a book and read with her a while as a pretense. It was endearing in a way that was so very... Monika. Yuri carefully marked her place and closed the book, looking over at her with a smile she hoped conveyed some of that understanding and returned even a fraction of the respect shown to her. “Of course.”

“Have you... erm, how do I say this? Have you been... feeding the raccoon lately?”

Surprising not only Monika but herself, Yuri burst out in bright laughter, though her hand was still gently rubbing her arm unconsciously. “It's alright, Monika. You can call it what it is. And no, I haven't really cut in a while. It feels... wrong, with all of you.”

She seemed both grateful to be given permission but also nervous about pressing on. “I was wondering... i-if it ever becomes a problem... well... I might have an idea of something that could... help.”

It was such a strange thing to see Monika be so hesitant and nervous. But Yuri's interest was piqued enough that she was willing to ignore that in favor of getting more information. “Help?”

“I was honestly a bit intrigued by the whole thing. About finding a kind of joy or release from hurting yourself. I... I did some research.”

This conversation was undoubtedly destined to be more serious, but Yuri found herself giggling again, trying futilely to cover her mouth with her hand. “You did? For me?” That was such an oddly sweet thing to do. Now both of them were blushing – Monika from embarrassment, Yuri from affection.

Not only was it strange to see her fumbling, but Yuri was also enjoying getting to watch as Monika fumbled with something so strange like this. “Well! It got my brain working, and sometimes when I latch onto an idea, I just run with it. That's how we ended up out here in the first place. But I think maybe I might know of a way to feed into that desire for intense experience without leaving more scars. But it's also... the kind of thing that requires a great deal of trust and understanding. And I don't want to spring this on you without warning.”

Monika stood and went to one of the bookshelves, studying it for a moment before pulling down a particular book and coming back over to stand in front of her. “I hope it's not condescending that I thought you might appreciate starting with a book. No hurry, just read this when you can, and when you're finished with it, we can discuss it.” Before Yuri could really give a proper response, Monika was leaving the library for parts unknown.

Yuri looked back down at the book, eyeing the cover. “ _Hurt Me Plenty: Exploring BDSM with your Partner_...? Monika, what in the world?”

* * *

It didn't take so long for Yuri to figure it out, because as soon as she started reading, she had devoured the entire thing in almost no time at all. She returned the book to the shelves and hurried upstairs to see where Monika had gotten off to. Her girlfriend, it turned out, was waiting quite patiently in her room, reclining with a book of her own. She looked up as Yuri stepped through the doorway and immediately lit up with a smile. “You finished? I should have known you'd steamroll through it instantly...” She giggled, putting her own book away and sitting up, making room for Yuri to join her.

Yuri was happy to oblige, setting next to her and smiling bashfully. “It was... beyond fascinating. Everything the author talked about was another in a long line of interesting theories and ideas. Really, the only issue I had was that there was no sense of praxis. But then... is that... where you want to come in?”

“If you'd like. If you don't mind... If I'm being honest, my offer isn't entirely selfless. I know that sometimes I just want to feel in-control, and helping you will perhaps also help me too. Is that terrible of me?”

She reached out and carefully placed her hand on top of Monika's. “No. Everything works best when there's a balance of give and take. If you were doing this only because you wanted to help me, I might start feeling guilty. But if I know that you'll be enjoying it too, then I can rest easy. Or... not rest, as I suppose the idea might be.”

That seemed to put Monika more at ease, though it was impossible to achieve full comfort considering what they were both dancing around. How the hell did one even start something like this?? Perhaps Monika sensed this and stood up, going to the door and shutting it gently. “Well then, would you like... ah... try something?”

Yuri froze up, staring at Monika and trying to make her mouth for some kind of statement. Anything at all. But now that she was actually here, imagining those things she'd read about, being done to her by her girlfriend, it was kind of overwhelming. “I...”

She moved back to her side, rubbing a hand up and down her back soothingly. “Or we can wait, I'm perfectly fine with whatever you want. That's the whole point, right?”

“No!” Yuri shook her head a bit manically. “I completely want to. It's just that there was so much to think about in that book, I don't even know where I would want to start.” She paused thoughtfully, staring down at her lap, then looking back toward Monika. “But then, I can defer to you, right? That's a part of the process, yes?”

Immediately, Monika broke out in a bright smile. “Well, I had a few ideas.” Yuri watched as she reached up, tugging her ribbon free from her hair, wondering where this was heading.

* * *

When Yuri got out of bed that morning, she hadn't really assumed she might end up here. Even knowing the exact chain of events, it was still difficult to follow what had happened. And yet here she was, barely clothed, wrists tied up with Monika's bow, bent over her lap. “I told you, it's fine.”

Monika's hand was gently resting against her backside, moving hesitantly. “I don't want to hurt you...”

“That's literally the entire point.” She huffed impatiently. Getting all this way only for Monika to be the nervous one instead was actually making Yuri kind of desperate for something, anything to happen. “Don't forget, I have literally taken blades and used them to slice open my skin. My pain threshold is nothing to sneeze at.”

“Right. O-Obviously. Okay.” Suddenly the hand left her skin, and the next thing she felt was a sort of slapping sensation. It was... good? Hardly the kind of thing that was going to get Yuri the high she needed. “Was that better?”

Yuri was getting kind of frustrated, but she needed Monika to get over this fear she had of hitting too hard. “Monika, you will be the very first to know if you do something wrong. Right now, the only mistake you're making is in holding back. Please... I need you to do this for me.” Without warning, there was a much sharper sensation this time, and she gave a rather shameless squeak in response. “That... Ju-Just like that... Again?”

“Mmmm, maybe. If you ask nicely.” Oh dear. Had she accidentally flipped some kind of switch inside her girlfriend? Suddenly she was sultry and confident and teasing. Monika's hand gently rubbed the spot she'd just struck, firing off a whole other set of neurons.

Her mind raced back to the book as she attempted to recall everything she'd read. Right. Monika had read it too. She was pulling from chapter three. If Yuri was to get what she wanted, she would have to do her part too. She couldn't be overly selfish here. “P-Please, Monika... I'm sorry for being rude. That felt so good. Please, can I have another?”

She was hit a few more times, her head going hazy, making it harder to think. Every time she cried out in delight, grateful to be somewhere that she didn't need to hold back or hide herself. This amazing, wonderful home where she could be herself, supported and loved.

Yuri was entirely lost in her own little world, completely missing the fact that the door had opened. “What... the fuck??” That had been... Natsuki??

“W-Wait! Come back!” And there was Sayori.

Monika sighed, gently helping Yuri to her feet and undoing the ribbon binding her wrists. “Oh dear. We should probably go check on them...”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're gonna see things from Natsuki's perspective here, and it gets a little bit tough. Minor content warning for talk of abusive situations and self-harm.

The day had been going so nicely, too.

Natsuki and Sayori had agreed that the lake looked very nice, but so far it was being criminally underused. So they got up that morning, gathering together everything they would need and putting on their pretty new swimsuits. Natsuki was clad in a pink two piece, covered with shorts and a tank top. She felt pretty darn good about how she looked, really trying to embrace the whole 'being cute' thing.

Sayori was already downstairs, working on making both a lunch for them and also a few other things before they headed outside. As Natsuki poked her head into the kitchen, she spotted Sayori moving about, humming to herself. She was wearing a deadly, adorable skirt and button-up and for a second she had to stop and just admire her. This was... her girlfriend. One of her girlfriends. She was living in a social oasis where it was just them and she never had to worry about a lack of food or hiding bruises or nightmares or anything like that again. Her chest felt so warm and full.

Finally she leaned up against the wall and cleared her throat, crossing her arms as she watched Sayori and smirked playfully. “What're you working on there? I thought our lunch was already done.”

Sayori looked back at her with that usual bright smile, and Natsuki could only hope that for the moment it wasn't one of her fake smiles. She was ashamed to admit that she still didn't know how to spot the difference. “Yuri's still asleep, so I just wanted to leave her a little gift for when she wakes up.”

Wandering over, Natsuki looked over the 'gift' she was leaving and smirked. A little set-up for tea, and an adorable note as well. She smiled and pecked her on the cheek. “Dear god, you are just the cutest.”

“Nahhh, it was just something that popped into my head. It's not even that big a deal.” Sayori shrugged off the compliment, as she often did. It was becoming a normal part of the back-and-forth.

With that done, they linked hands and made their way outside with their bags. “It's still incredibly thoughtful, and I'm sure she's gonna be all happy about it. She'll get that adorable smile she has every time she finds a new book.” They both shared a laugh about that, equally familiar with the look.

“I hope so. It's a shame I won't be able to see it.” It was nice to see that Sayori wasn't fighting back against the affection as hard this time. Natsuki was fairly certain it was bad form to just brute force your way past barriers like that, instead opting along with their girlfriends to always offer her small, gentle affirmations about how great she was, never too much at once.

“Aww, don't sweat it. I'll make it up to you. You can just watch my cute face instead!” Sayori's blush was the most perfect response she could hope for.

Not that Natsuki had long to gloat about this tiny victory. As they reached the lakeshore and put down their things, they each started changing out of their clothes to their swimsuits beneath. She just couldn't help but look over to see what Sayori was wearing, and was a little stunned to see her in a baby blue flowery bikini that made her blush in turn. Natsuki really didn't understand how the hell she'd gotten this damn lucky.

She didn't have long to ogle before she went running down into the water, wading out carefully. “Ah~! Oh my gosh, I'm a freaking genius. This water is, like, the perfect temperature! You've got to get in here!”

Giggling, Natsuki took the invitation and happily followed after her into the water. She hadn't been kidding, when Sayori made this lake, she really had put her all into making it perfect. “Holy crap, you're a wizard. This is so good. I'm coming out here every day.”

“Not without me, you're not!” Sayori cried out, playfully splashing her. Natsuki instantly returned fire, and they soon got into a hearty war of water.

During the melee, Natsuki crept closer and closer until she was able to grab at Sayori, dunking her. The two of them wrestled a bit before coming up for air and finding themselves, somehow, in the middle of a passionate kiss. Unlike their first, there were definitely fireworks now. It was less hesitant, more sure. Pulling away only an inch or so, Natsuki looked into her eyes, beaming. “You are so beautiful.” Just like that, her face fell, and Natsuki could have kicked her own ass. _Stupid stupid stupid. Goddamn idiot. Don't lay it on so thick._ “I-I'm sorry, jeez, I got caught up... Was that too much?”

Sayori almost started to force a smile, then seemed to catch herself, before finally settling for shaking her head. “It's not that. I-I want you to say things like that. I really do. But then you do and I can't believe it and then I get sad. It's a lose-lose situation.” She stared off into the distance for a moment or two, deep in thought. Slowly, though, she began to smile, and not in that pained way she sometimes did. “But I think that maybe... maybe I want you to do it anyway. I can't keep letting myself get dragged down by my jerk-brain. You guys mean too much to me!”

That was... kind of a big deal. Natsuki felt like she'd been treating Sayori with kid gloves, and that even when she was able to respect her boundaries, she just ended up being insulting instead. But for Sayori to be say such a thing was huge. She tugged her back in close, looking into her eyes. “Hey. I love you. We all love you. And we'll keep right on taking it one day at a time. It's gonna be just fine.” They kissed again, slow and deep, full of hope even if it was hesitant.

* * *

The two continued to have a marvelous afternoon together. They swam, they shared a picnic, they laughed and joked and just generally enjoyed themselves. Paradises were supposedly boring places where, sooner or later, you got tired of so much happiness. But Natsuki wasn't bored yet, that was for damn sure. Perhaps it was because they themselves were still flawed, and only the world was perfect. She hoped she never got bored.

The universe heard this, and the universe laughed.

They were in high spirits as they came back into the house, determined to find their other girlfriends and share the love, so to speak. Their hunt for Yuri and Monika brought them upstairs when a series of sounds hit Natsuki's ear and triggered a kind of primal response. The sound of something violent, and then a cry of pain. And again. And again. Her eyes went wide with terror and she ran to the bedroom where the sound was coming from and threw it open.

The sight she saw within Monika's room made her blood run cold. She was abusing her, there was no other name for it. She knew it when she saw it. “What... the fuck??” Natsuki's mind refused to process this. There was no time to deal with it, no impulse to save her girlfriend, she just ran. She went down the hall to the master bedroom, running inside and diving onto the bed. The door behind her closed, and she turned to see Sayori standing there, looking at her nervously. Natsuki hadn't realized she was sobbing until it occurred to her that she was seeing her girlfriend through a kaleidoscope of tears. “Wh-What was that?? I thought Monika was better! I thought she'd stopped being a monster! How... How could she do that to Yuri??”

Sayori crossed the room and joined her on the big bed, drawing her into her arms. Confused and scared, Natsuki just wept into her shoulder while Sayori held her and stroked her hair. “Do you remember what you told me when all this started? Don't forget, you still have me. It's going to be okay.” There was a moment of heavy silence before she spoke again. “But... and I-I can't be sure, but I think maybe there's been some kind of misunderstanding.”

Sure, that sounded all well and good. Very comforting, very sane. But Natsuki didn't care. All she could think about was her papa's calloused hands and looking up how to hide bruises and crying in the shower. She didn't care about reason or sense. There was a knock at the door. Natsuki braced herself for excuses. Boy was she used to excuses. She was so ready to hear them. Maybe she would get blamed. That would be rich. “Can we come in?” Well, Yuri was the one asking to come in, that was... something at least.

“ _You_ can. _She_ can wait out there...”

There was some soft conversation outside the door before the door opened. “Okay. Okay...” Yuri came in while Monika obediently waited outside. She even shut the door again before coming over to sit on the edge of the bed next to where Natsuki lay wrapped up in Sayori's protective grasp. “I'm sorry, Natsuki. That was... wildly improper of us.”

She sat up slowly, the other girl still clinging to her. An apology was a good start, though there were still a lot of things that she didn't really understand. “She was... She was beating you. Are you gonna... gonna make excuses for her? Tell me it's a mistake and promise it'll never happen again?? Because I know how long promises like that last.”

Yuri shook her head, looking deadly serious. “Quite the opposite. It was a delightful experience, and I hope that it happens again.”

Natsuki glared at her, eyes narrowing. “Did you two go insane while we were out? It hasn't been that long, why is everything suddenly crazytown?”

She coolly pulled up her sleeves, revealing the scars that covered her arms. They all knew they were there, and they hardly needed to be reminded of them. Hell, their presence just confused Natsuki more. Yuri knew what it was like to take pain too far, why would she willingly subject herself to more?? “Every one of these I did to myself. As careful as I was, it was still incredibly stupid. But I continued, because the feeling was too amazing to quit. But I finally did stop, for all of us. Because I never wanted to overdo it and cause a scare. Monika offered to try something new. She was... helping me.”

Natsuki huffed, not quite willing to accept that answer right away. “So you thought you would just engage in... in sexy... abuse?? Knowing what I've been through?? Do you know what it's like to see that? To feel my brain immediately go into fight or flight? I thought Monika had lost it again, like the bad times all over again, but somehow worse. That was... really fucking shitty. I-I can't decide if I should be crying right now or beating your ass. But I guess you'd be into that!”

There was a gasp from both girls, and Sayori's grip on her tightened slightly. “You don't mean that...”

_Great job, jackass. Yuri was trying to get off and now you're making this all about you. Amazing work. You're a shoe-in for Girlfriend of the Year. Fuck._ Natsuki shut her eyes tight, trying to ignore the voice in her head, the one that maybe sounded a little too much like her dad. She needed to focus on what mattered. Yuri mattered, and Sayori, and yes even Monika. “...of course I don't. I'm just really freaked right now. I wasn't prepared for... all... that.” She sighed deeply, finally looking at Yuri, and seeing the hurt that lay there on her face too. “But... if it means that much to you, just... for the love of god, give me warning next time so I can be not here. Or at least so I can get my headphones.”

Compromise was really tough, really fucking tough. But seeing Yuri crack a pretty smile even in the midst of it was worth it.

“May I come in now?” they heard Monika say softly through the door. Natsuki rolled her eyes and relented, collapsing back against the pillows, dragging Sayori with her. Yuri took that as consent and went to open the door for Monika, who stood there awkwardly at the foot of the bed. “I am so, so sorry Natsuki.”

She shook her head in response and gestured grandly with her arm. “Shut up and get over here. I'm tired of apologies and I want cuddles.” The bed eventually sank as all four of them snuggled up together, and Natsuki sighed happily. “We'll figure out all the details later. And you can start making it up to me by doing that pasta dish for dinner tonight.”

“Chicken pesto penne?” Monika asked, and Natsuki could definitely detect an air of amusement in her voice.

She decided to ignore it. “Yeah. That.” She lay there in silence for a moment or two, considering this entire situation and just how ridiculous it was. “I'm not mad, y'know. Just really freaked out. But I... I love you guys. You feel more like home than my own shitty family. And I'd rather go through the terrifying process of being responsible and mature over the satisfying feeling of being petty. That's all...”

She felt three pairs of lips kiss her in various places on the face, and Natsuki knew things would be alright. How nice, for a minor upset to actually lead to a happy ending. She might have preferred it not happening at all. But she was still happier with this tiny argument than all the 'restful' nights she had in her old place. Because yes. This was home. She was home.

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Infinite Choices: When Green and Blue Collide](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13560741) by [eJ121](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eJ121/pseuds/eJ121)




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